I may have made this post before, I can’t remember. The crux is when you have a lot to say, but nothing you want to share. When everything that is going on is so personal that just the motion of putting it down into words is too much to cope with.

We use social media and we post a picture of our lunch, or an achievement, or something pretty that we see and as much as that thing (much like this thing) seems so important at the time it very quickly fades and becomes less important. It more becomes about the structure of or the sum total of everything that we think over a period of time that paints a picture of who we are. We can stress about our homes, our work, our friends or our family, but so quickly like the picture of last week’s lunch on the Tuesday afternoon that we went out with a friend, it disappears from our consciousness. It was important at the time, but not so much now.

Grand things can happen, things that recontextualise our thought processes. These things can be positive or negative. A change in perspective often leads us to seeing things as others may do. Those who have criticised, or have not understood our choices – perhaps after one of these changes we ourselves no longer see the decisions we made in the past as sensible, that we suddenly warm to the opinions we once found so abstract and obscure, that we did not understand.

I don’t know man, there’s so much going on right now and I don’t know what to do. I just do what I have to do. I keep going. And you should keep going too.

Random thoughts can be dangerous. Like.. ‘hmm, I have a new idea for a domain name’.

Yeah, should have thought that one through a bit more than I did. It basically ended up to half a dozen nuked website instances, as well as the old fozteh.com website. But, meh.

Turns out that you can’t allocate two SSL certificates for two different domain names to one IP. Well, you might be able to, but I fucking can’t. What a cunt on, seriously, when I didn’t back it up and didn’t even think.

I blame the Scotch.

Anyhoo here we are, rebranded (which actually means a new instance and restoring an old back up and fudging the latest posts).

Fudging because I had to go to Google and check for an archived version of the page that I had updated most recently from the other domain. Actually, lemme just wax on this a sec… it’s scary that Google wants to backup and crawl and scrape everything. I presume because they can make a buck or two on the data but more the fool them because nee cunt reads this page so its more a tool for myself to find out the content of recent posts and the date etc as I needed to restore them to this site because, erm, reasons?

Anyway we are all up and running. Everything is up to date and fine. The rule of thumb really is backup, backup, backup!

To be fair this is just a hobby, keeping a hand in etc. So Hi, if you are here, I don’t know how you got here but you are welcome anytime.

… so long as you buy the beers 😉

Imagine you’re going about your daily life. You get up, you get showered and dressed, you go out the door and leave and go shopping, or to see a friend. You go to pay your bills. You go to Ikea, Tesco, Walmart or Walgreens. You buy a coffee table in the shape of a yingyang and get it delivered next day. Whatever.

Now imagine that outside your house, and at the bottom of your street is a cave. In this cave is not your power animal, as Fight Club would have you believe, but a bear. It’s sleeping. It’s quiet.

You can go about your daily life and ignore the cave, you don’t need to go in there, you don’t need to acknowledge it. It exists, but it is not important so long as you do not go in there.

The bear, the entity, is kind, it’s cuddly, it can provide warmth as well as protection from predators beneath it. It can give you hope that, as long as it exists, all will remain peaceful and calm.

However, don’t fuck with the bear.

If you choose to poke the bear, to make fun of it, to rouse it from it’s sleep for no good reason and anger it, then it will tear off your fucking face and eat your corpse as it lays twitching on the floor.

Leave the fucking bear alone. Do not disturb it. Do not anger it. For it will bring chaos and pain like you cannot imagine.

I am the bear. And people do not leave me alone…

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’ve given up on social media, the Facebook, the twitter, the instagram, and it’s a weird feeling. Mostly because I have that feeling of ‘missing out’ although even when I was on the platforms, nobody was posting anything that I felt was relevant or interesting anyway, but it’s that ‘what if’. I don’t have a large social circle anyway, and people would never actually include me in their posts but if there’s someone I see out and about that I want to find out more about, then suddenly that option is now removed and I really don’t know how to feel about it.

I never used Twitter to the extent most people do, mostly I would check it once a week and see what Elon was up to, or Linode, or Unraid, I don’t follow people and I never take part but still that lack of the human connection, I guess, is now missing and its amazing the effect (affect) it has on the human psyche.

So what is there to do? As I sit here and type the prose that nobody is actually ever going to read… what is the social experience, where is that outlet of interacting with people and solidifying that human connection. Well, it’s nowhere. It has to be taken outside of the virtual experience and into the ‘real world’. The problem really though is that I hate people and that 90% of the fucks have nothing interesting to say other than commenting on the weather or repeating whatever they read in the ‘red top rags’. So fuck em.

Meh, I guess Ill just go without until I find the need to reregister, or look someone up. Because… boobs.

T’rah!